A long story and rambling at times, but in the end this is about my Mom, Mattie Nell Jaggars Wegner
I've been somewhat depressed lately. Things have changed at our house, some of it my doing, some of it out of my control, most of it for the good. Or so one would think.
The depression was a slow thing. Looking back I think it began when Mike quit his job.
We were on track, huge savings, good paying job, all our ducks finally in a row. But there was a price to pay... and Mike was paying it. A thankless job with thankless employers, long, long hours and a long commute. He'd had enough. He'd been doing it way too long and he damned well needed a break. He took it, by golly.
Unfortunately, we had just thrown a huge chunk of our savings at the house, paying down that god awful mortgage. No, problem.... judging by the past, Mike would have another job in about 5 seconds.
Well, not so much. This is Labelle and there is no work in Labelle, at least not above the part time, minimum wage work, that is.
Meanwhile, I took a trip to Kansas City to visit Chris and Stephanie. It had been a full year since I had seen them on my last trip. Chris and Steph are two hard working, fully engaged people. Steph is going to school full time plus she has three (3) part time jobs in between. Chris works full time, pulls all the overtime he can, volunteers at least once a week, manages a baseball team, and managed to train for half marathon in between! Wow!
While I was there Chris took a casual picture of me when we were doing the Mother/Son Photoff! I'm looking at this pic and I'm not liking it... AT ALL! When the hell did I get so fat and ugly!
So, I hatch a plan, I'm going to get in shape. I'm going to exercise and lose that horrible muffin top!I'm gonna give up all those sweets and, well, it looks like carbs are the culprit. Cut the bread, pasta... and so on.
Good plan. Walking, a mile, two miles, 3 miles, running, well not so much. I do this for several weeks and hell, no results! I actually gained weight!
Turns out between the ever ongoing hot flashes and old age and 40 some odd years of smoking that running was out of the question. (sigh)
WWW. I wanna quit smoking, I can forgo some of the weight if I can quit. They sent me nicotine patches and gum and a quit plan. Wow, I can do this! I set the date and off I went.
Here's where the whole thing went off track. Day 6 of not smoking I discovered I could actually run for a bit without dying of it. Yeah, it was great! I thought I had this! And that lasted one day when I blew out my knee. I can barely walk on it now. The exercise plan is off.
Day 11, no smoking... guys, I'm weak. It liked to have killed me. I'm back to smoking....
Here's where the whole thing went off track. Day 6 of not smoking I discovered I could actually run for a bit without dying of it. Yeah, it was great! I thought I had this! And that lasted one day when I blew out my knee. I can barely walk on it now. The exercise plan is off.
Day 11, no smoking... guys, I'm weak. It liked to have killed me. I'm back to smoking....
Mike still has no job...
During all this, in the background, I learn that my mother is to have her leg amputated (AMPUTATED!) from complications of a wheelchair injury mixed with the her ongoing diabetes. For those of you who don't know, my mother has been is a nursing/rehab home since January when her medical situation was beyond her means to be taken care of at home. Out of nowhere they said she had gangrene.. GANGRENE!
FANTASTIC! I can't deal. Me and depression, failure after failure, unknown future, dwindling savings....
So she called me, my mother, when I didn't have the nerve to call her myself. This is the woman who had been dealing with medical mishaps for many, many years, who I would call and she was unresponsive and really didn't care about anything, who had gotten to the point where I had little hope she would ever again be the mom I knew her for and all I wanted was for her to be taken care of for the rest of her life.
That woman is fine! Well, to say that is bit much because she is fine because she wants to be. She knows what she has lost but it seems not to phase her a bit. She has had her freaking leg cut off above the knee and there she is on the phone, talking to me just like she did so many years ago. Positive! Positive! No regrets! Ready to take on the world! Ready to strap on that prosthesis and walk her ass right out of that nursing home as soon as she can.
This is the mom I grew up with. This is the mom that you all know. She is back! I don't know. I'm guessing that her time in the home with regular care, regular meals, regular meds has gotten her back. I do know she has inspired me today. I'm not depressed anymore. I'm just fine, ya'll. I don't care about all that other stuff so much anymore because...
My Mom is back!
